Breaking
by DigimonIsBetterThanPokemon151
Summary: Marcus' mask started to crumble the moment he started Dats. Thomas became his unknowing life line. When that life line starts to break, Marcus takes what he refers to as 'the cowards way out.' ToMaTo. Self harm. A bit of swearing.


I have had enough. I'm tired of having to act like the man in the family, tired of having to listen to Yoshino's constant bitching, tired of having to lie to Agumon, tired of fighting with Touma, or Thomas, but most of all, I was tired of hiding my sexuality.

I've known since I was 8 that I was atleast bi, but when I reached the age of 12, I knew I was gay. Joining DATS proved it as well, especially when Thomas came into the picture.

That's right, I have a crush on my best friend, Touma , or Thomas as he likes to be called. And I was scared of him finding out.

My mask had started to fall as soon as I met him. At first I didn't know why, but I eventually figured it out. Ever since then he's unknowingly been chipping away at my mask, almost revealing all that's buried underneath it. My pain, heartbreak, sorrow...

Somehow I've managed to keep it up, build new support structures. But I still feel like breaking.

The only thing that kept me going any more was that certain blond.

But that was shattered, my last light, when he anounced he and Yoshi where together. I'd smiled and congratulated him like he knew I would, giving him a head lock and a head rub. But I was fighting back tears inside, I have been all day, and when I finally got home, I faked illness, returning to my room and crying for the past 2 hours.

And that's where I am now.

It hurts. My heart feels like a huge chunk has been ripped out, crapped on, and sown back together, infected with disease.

It hurts so much that I've decided to end it.

I'm writing letters at the moment, to mum, Chika, Ikuto, Yoshi, Thomas... Explaining it and why I'm doing it, Thomas' being most detailed in that department.

Yeah. I'm telling him how I feel about him in a letter, taking the cowards way out.

Because that's what I am. A coward.

I figure I should hand deliver them. Ya know, put them in everyone's letter boxes or something...

Yeah. In fact, I'll go now.

I stand up and quietly leave the house so as to not alert my family to my presence.

Only when I'm outside do I breathe normally as I proceed to Ikuto's house, the first stop on my delivery tour.

I'm at the last house now. Thomas'. Staring is considered rude, but I've never cared about any of that, especially when Touma is standing half naked in front of his bedroom window, back towards me.

Feeling a little light headed, I successfully manage to get the letter in the blond's post box before leaving, hoping he hadn't seen me.

Upon arriving back home, I decide to jump in through my open bedroom window.

Sighing, I sit on my bed. Now I just need a way to kill myself. Crap. I knew I forgot something. I guess a knife will have to do.

Pulling open my desk draw, I pull out my knife and gently scratch it over the flesh of my arm, drawing a thin line of blood.

It hurts, but still not enough. I need more. Enough to drain away the pain of being rejected, of knowing the one person I love, doesn't love me back.

I watch as I press the knife deeper into my arm, creating a river of blood on my arm.

Switching carving hands, I slash a line horizontaly down my arm, and watch the pool of my precious life energy expand.

Breathing heavily, I crash to the floor, black spots dancing in my vision, just as the door opens, and HE steps in...

(Thomas POV)  
I sighed, pulling a shirt over my head. I wish my father understood he can't change the way I am, and that It's not a choice for me to be like this. He's the one who set me up with Yoshi. I don't like her, I don't even like girls in general!

... Yes. Touma H. Norstein (I like to be called Thomas), is gay.

Sighing again, I turn and look out the window, just in time to see Marcus shove something in my letter box before running off.

Curiousity got the better of me as I ran outside to get it.

Ripping open the letter, I started to read.

- 'Dear Touma, (Yes I know you don't like that name)  
Basically, i'm writing to tell ya It's not your fault, it's mine.

You see Thomas, buddy, I like you. A lot more than I should as your best friend.

And the weight of that on my shoulders, combined with the pressure i get from home, from school, from work, plus the knowledge that your dating Yoshi, is making me cave in.' -  
I paused in reading at that moment. Cave in? I knew he looked upset when he found out about me and Yoshi, but 'cave in'? What? I continued to read.

- ' I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of having to be the man in my family, of having to lie to Agumon, of having to put up with Yoshi's constant bitching, of fighting and lying to you...

So I'm ending it. By the time you read this letter, I'll be dead.

Ever since you met me, you've been smashing down my mask, revealing the me full of Pain, heartbreak, and sorrow. The me you see everyday, the reckless me that doesn't think before battle, it's a mask. I'm not that person. I'm a lonely, depressed, freak.

Don't be upset over my death, Thomas. Please.  
Marcus. ' -

I gasped and clenched the letter in my fist, running to the Daimon house hold, hoping, praying, that I'm not too late...

(third person)  
A few days later Marcus awoke from his mini coma to see Thomas staring at him.

He blinked, and blinked again, before looking at his surroundings, remembering his attemted suicide as he felt pain in his wrists.

"What..." Marcus' voice was croaky as he spoke.

Thomas sighed. "Your in the hospital, Marcus."

Said brunet blinked, remembering what his letter said. "...Why are you here?" He asked.

Now it was the blond's turn to blink. "...What? Your my best friend, why wouldn't I be here?"

"...You don't... Hate me?"

"Why should I?" The blond asked uneasily. If this is about the letter then -

"What about, the letter?" Marcus looked away as he spoke.

Thomas sighed. "Marcus, I really can't hate you for that, you know."

The brunet was confused. "... I don't get it." He looked at Thomas.

"Close your eyes." The blond ordered.

Marcus looked at him weirdly before obeying.

Carefully, so as to not alert the brunet, Thomas stood up and gently placed his lips to the others.

Heart thumping, Marcus opened his eyes as Thomas pulled away, keeping his face close to the others.

"Do you get it now?" He asked.

"What about Yoshi?" Marcus murmured.

"Let's just say my dad didn't react well to me being gay."

They both leaned in for another kiss when the door opened, Chika proceeding to go all fangirly, Ikuto confused, mrs. Daimon happy, and Yoshi upset, having lost her man to another man.

Marcus chuckled uneasily. "Hey... Guys..." 


End file.
